Eighty Years (or so) To The Big Zero

I was buying underwear yesterday. (In the men’s section! Not that there’s anything wrong with your sick twisted mind and what you just thought, but that’s just not how I roll. Mostly.) 

So I’m in the men’s section and this 8-9 year old girl comes up and yells “Merry Christmas!” I look down at her and smile and say “Hello.” 

She begins to walk away and then turns around as if just hearing me, “I said Merry Christmas!”  Then her little sister (maybe 6 or 7) showed up and also said “Merry Christmas!” in a similarly loud voice.

At this point my mind went in two different directions: 

“Yes, I know, but not everyone celebrates Christmas. Now go away and shut the frak up.” 

or 

“Yes, I know.” and I turned away and continued rifling through the packages on the rack.*

They both left but for the next twenty minutes I heard “Merry Christmas!” echoing throughout the store as the girls continued to come up to people and yell it at the top of their lungs. I was on the other side of the store and I could still hear them. Parents? Smiling nearby. “Ah ain’t they so cute!” 

Maybe if I had used the first line the girls might have limited their efforst. But they were too young to get into any sort of discussion with them and so I had to let it pass. Why bother when you’re audience just doesn’t understand? 

But I wonder, what did that mean to them? Were they simply being nice and trying to cheer people up? Well if that’s the goal you don’t have to wait til one time in the year to do that. You can always look at someone and smile and wave and say hello, acknowledge them as a person and move on. 

Or were they super happy this month because they know they’re getting lots of presents and toys to play with and so were living high on the consumption of product? 

This faux pleasantry that suddenly springs up around December always bugged me. People are extra nice and floaty and sickly sweet. It’s hypocritical and makes no sense at all. 

Don’t lie to your children about some imaginary fat man who is looking over their shoulder so they better be good (by the way, isn’t this the same story the church uses for sin?), or wrap it in mythology about a teenager 2000 years ago who had an affair and couldn’t bring herself to tell her husband, “I cheated on you.”, and later spat out a bastard child in a barn.

If you want to be nice then be nice. Don’t wait for the one month out of the year where it’s expected.

*FYI - Hanes - tagless, boxers, 4 pack. But if you look through the rows you’ll sometimes find a 5 pack special deal (one free) for the same price.”