“The Truth Hurts.” or “What the fuck do you know?”
Well for a while now I’ve been thinking about work.
Sometimes about my work but more about the work friends my own age and with similar skill sets as I and what jobs they have.
Plus I’ve been having some … how can this be said … philosophical differences with the purpose behind why I do what I do and if it’s really making a difference or having any sort of impact and if not then why the hell am I squandering my time and talents in essentially a thankless position that has no room for advancement? I’ve been waiting for some district position that each year seems to be more and more of a phantom.
So the reason I’m saying all this is so it’s understood that my next chapter to this little tale isn’t coming out of the blue.
….
I’m having lunch with my folks at Logan’s Roadhouse - great burgers, good salads and my dad likes to throw the peanuts on the floor - plus they serve crack bread. Literally they replace some of the flour wih crack, I’m sure, or maybe coke but anyway the bread is a meal in itself.
So I’m talking about work and they ask about the budget cuts and I mention that the county is considerng getting rid of the technology positions all together. My dad claps his hands and says “Oh that’s great. Now you can go out and get a real job.”
This isn’t new. He’s been saying I should get a real job every year for about a year after I started working in the school system. To some degree I understand his point - the pay is terrible. But they string you along with perks, like two months off during the summer, but screw you over with crap like chaperoning dances, and other school functions… anywho I digress.
We are getting ready to leave but mom has to use the restroom. So while she’s away I ask my dad what he has against my job and why he thinks it would be good if they got rid of the tech position: “Because then you’d have to go out and find another job. You won’t do anything unless you are forced to.”
“What?” I say. “You say I’m in a rut.”
“Yes. You’re comfortable. You like to find a spot and sit there until something comes along and forces you too move. That’s what you’ve always done. You’ll starve for one day a week if you can eat ok the rest of the time. Being forced to find another job will get you out there and you’d find something that will pay much better for the skills you have.”
Hmm… ok. So a little face slap with a compliment at the end. In your best interest, son, sorta thing.
Mom arrives and we go shoe shopping.
….
I am always open to self reflection and when given advice, even advice I don’t agree with, I’ll at least consider it.
So I think about this for a while on my drive home. My dad is a no nonsense type of person and he’ll speak his mind if he thinks it’s right. I start to examine my career choices over the last couple years and there is truth to what he says. I examine myself and find comfort in steady solid routine even when it’s just enough to maintain life. Is that sick? Fear? Cowardice? Masochisim? Prudence?
Would I be having anywhere near the financial issues I have if I had gone out and pursued another job earlier? Is all my angst financial or mental or imposed? Am I short changing myself? People I know are moving on and it’s paying off in spades for them.
Does a kernal of truth warrant a life changing shift? If the kernal is important enough?